K is a great one, my favorite, I suppose.
You know where you stand with K most of the time,
though there are those awkward moments of silence.
Has C ever had an original thought? C could be a politician:
if the crowd wants K, he’s all K; if the mood seems to favor S,
why, S is his Patron Saint.
V seems to be doing very well since people have stopped
confusing her with U, the little slut. I mean, is Q blind?
You never see Q out with anyone else,
but U will hop into bed with anything. Once a vowel,
always a vowel, I guess; though Y seems to be
having an identity crisis.
GH? Please! What a couple! Either standing around with
nothing to say, or quoting F, of all things! ( I think G’s the
slug; at least H does some good committee work. In fact,
her consultations with letters as diverse as S and T have
produced results that border on brilliance.)
I is a selfish bastard.
Why Z is consistently listed in last place, I’ll never know.
Good old, reliable Z. No confusion in his mind. He thinks Z
and he says Z. Even S sometimes tries to sound like Z.
Roman numerals? Just letters gone bad.
Didn’t exactly set the math world on fire, either.
- Ralph Murre
An old piece, first published in the Peninsula Pulse, and still popular in some quarters.